Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
