Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
