Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
