That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
