My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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