I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
