Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
