Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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