Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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