He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
