I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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