i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
