i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They took my balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
