Your tits are I can't wait for
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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