i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
