i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
