I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
