You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
