I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
