i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
