this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
