He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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