I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
