I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
where am i from again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
