I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
