wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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