We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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