i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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