Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
