You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
