That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
