So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
