It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
