I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
