Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
