you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
