oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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