is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
