so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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