Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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