R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize