You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
