I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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