I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
