her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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