the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
