What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
