I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it because I queefed?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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