I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
