Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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