it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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