yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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