MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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