Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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