I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
