I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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