pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
