I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So squirting runs in the family.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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