He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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