Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
