so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't deserve a penis
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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