New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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