All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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