so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
