I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
