yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am one with the molecules
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
