If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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